An Unexpected Phone Call from the European Ryder Cup Captain

“Hello.”

“European Ryder Cup Captain Colin Montgomerie here. Is this Mr. Shanks?”

“Please, just call me Shanks. May I call you Monty?”

“Captain Montgomerie will do nicely, thank you very much. Now then, what’s all this foolish talk of a botched Captain’s pick? Do you have any idea how much of my considerable experience and knowledge went into that decision?”

“Well, Captain Mo …”

“Furthermore, do you understand that when I apply said knowledge and experience to all things Ryder Cup, it is virtually impossible for an error to occur?”

“Imposs …?”

“And should there be a moment – not that I can even imagine it happening – where I become less than perfectly clear about the next outstanding, strategic move, I have personally assembled the greatest possible staff of assistants in the history of the Ryder Cup from which I can expect the proper response.”

“They’re prett …”

“In light of the inordinate amount of print you allowed my American counterpart, Captain Pavin, to express himself, I’d be remiss not to do likewise. No stone unturned, you see.”

“Sounds like you have everything covered.”

“Indeed. Glad to straighten that out. Been a wonderful chat, Mr. Shanks. Have to run. Cheers.”