I knew Vijay Singh was Indian, but I didn’t know he was a master tracker. I thought it was only American Indians who could track a lizard over rock, but apparently Singh, an Indian from Fiji, managed to track Phil Mickelson’s golf shoe cleat prints, which have gone from six milimeters to eight in recent weeks, on the greens of Augusta. The guy recognized a TWO MILLIMETER difference!

Singh noticed what he considered illegal cleat marks on the group in front of him in Friday’s round, and determined them to be from Mickelson. He told officials, who checked Mickelson’s shoes. Mickelson admitted he was “distracted,” and said he confronted Singh when he heard him talking about it in the locker room. Here’s how that confrontation went.

Singh, crowing to other players in the locker room: “I knew it was Phil. They could only have been the cleat marks of a 280-pound left-hander wearing Callaway.”

Mickelson, barging up to Singh: “I am NOT 280 pounds, you Fiji robot!”

Singh, to Mickelson: “Phil, I’ve seen your act at Denny’s. Don’t try to deny it.”

Mickelson: “You’re trying to mess with my head, you Fiji bastard…”

Singh: “Phil, two words: salad bar. You should try it sometime.”

Mickelson at that point went berserk and had to be restrained by Hootie Ingram and two club attendants. They managed to calm him down and convinced him to sit, at which point the chair gave way and Mickelson went crashing to the floor.

Singh, chuckling slyly to himself, headed for the practice range, where he hit 200- six-irons in a driving rain.