Help me

TAMPA – I’m becoming one of those people I loathe. It’s the result of staying at two of the best golf resorts in Florida – the Westin Innisbrook and Saddlebrook. Since they’re both excellent, I can’t help comparing the two in small, selfish ways. I don’t say these things out loud, but I can’t help them from forming somewhere in the pampered-and-obnoxious region of my brain, right below the medulla oblongata.

The Westin has better parking, you can drive right to your villa – Saddlebrook makes you walk if you don’t want to pay for valet parking.

Saddlebrook has fluffier bath robes, for Christ’s sake. Westin gives a better welcoming basket. Saddlebrook gave me a visor and rum cake, Westin gave me a really nice shirt. Stop me, please. The Westin stocks better snacks in your room – M&Ms, Snickers, cashews. Saddlebrook has better muffins and coffee, AND macadamia nut cookies. The FREE bottle of wine the Westin gave me was bigger than the FREE bottle of wine Saddlebrook gave me.

Somebody shoot me.