Handicap cards to alleviate slow play? Ridiculous

A reader wrote in with a suggestion for fixing slow play, saying the U.S. should go the European route by requiring valid handicap cards before getting on a golf course. That way, the reasoning goes, U.S. golfers would be forced to play from the appropriate tees. Also, did you know some European countries require golfers to TAKE A TEST before they can play?

I say, both ideas are beyond absurd. Golf already has a well-deserved reputation as an elitist sport, and this would make it more so. Can you imagine Americans being told they have to take a test and show some stupid, official card just to get on?

This is America, we don’t need no stinking cards. This is a democracy, for god’s sake, not some effete, spoiled, socialist European country. We don’t have royalty here and we don’t need any more bureaucracy.

And hey, if a mid-handicapper wants to try it from the back tees, as I’ve done on many occasion (without slowing things down, I might add), we don’t need any fool telling us we can’t. Just because the Europeans do it doesn’t mean we should do it. Europeans have had a ton of bad ideas. That doesn’t mean we have to copy them.

What’s next, requiring Americans to wear those ridiculous nut-huggers on beaches? Using meters instead of yards, like god intended? I hate these European wannabes.