Golf apparel at the 2007 PGA Show: They’re all missing the guaranteed, can’t-miss “Big Idea”

For the past couple years, I’ve been on a personal quest to bring back the Ban-Lon, and wandering around the apparel section of the 2007 PGA Show has only made me more committed.

Golf apparel is as boring as Vijay Singh. But, put Vijay Singh in a Ban-Lon, what do you have? Sean Connery.

I went to at least 15 apparel booths and asked to see their Ban-Lons. I do stuff like this. I got a variety of negative responses, some blank stares from the younger ones and a few nostalgic chuckles from the old-timers.

The Ban-Lon is the perfect golf shirt, if only these drones who get paid millions for re-designing a million variations on the SAME OLD GOLF SHIRT would realize it. It’s loose-fitting and comfortable, flexible and most of all, you don’t have to tuck it in. They have a cool retro look for those of you who care about such things.

Look around at the Big Bellies at any golf course. Shirts all bunched up in back, pulling up their hideous underwear. Some of them say the hell with it and wear them out, the shirts falling down past their knees.

The golf fashion fascists have dictated that the only golf shirt you can buy now must all look alike and must be tucked in. This is a sport, sort of, we’re talking about here. The clothes should be sporty, and nothing, my woefully mis-clad friend, is as sporty as a Ban-Lon.

Mark my words: one of these designer fools will slap himself – maybe after reading this – and bring back the Ban-Lon. People will respond in droves, once it’s “legitimized.” In other words, they’ll get a pro to wear it, others will copy and soon courses everywhere will be Ban-Lonned.” If Tiger Woods announced “green is cool,” golfers everywhere would show up at the course tomorrow looking like pickles.

I won’t get a cent, but I’m not doing this for the money. If what I am doing here today will save one fat guy from shame and embarrassment, it will have been worth it.