There’s nothing more laughable on the golf course than a guy who dresses like Beau Brummell and plays like Beau Bridges.

You’ve seen them: color-coordinated socks, pleated, khaki shorts with no hint of a wrinkle, the latest, expensive golf shirt, Nike golf cap.

These guys always intimidate the hell out of me until I see them swing.

My sole objective in dressing myself to play golf is comfort. That’s why I’ve been agitating for years to bring back the Ban-Lon. As a meek form of protest, I haven’t tucked in a golf shirt in two years.

People spent $1.6 billion on golf apparel in 2005, according to the National Sporting Goods Association. That includes $259 million on shoes – and remember, these are mostly men we’re talking about here.

Now, Calvin Klein is entering the market. Expect those numbers to double and to see some truly offensive commercials on The Golf Channel.

My overall impression of the golf apparel market is one of total blandness interrupted by brief flashes of hideousness: Republicans on dress parade.

I doubt Calvin Klein will have the chutzpah to change much. But, if they bring back the Ban-Lon, I’ll consider Mitt Romney.

For dog-catcher.

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