Golf with monkeys: I'll bet Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson never had to deal with this

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia – First, they tried sterilizing them. Now they’re going to eat them.

Actually, they’re going to ship them off and let other people eat them.

Monkeys are crawling all over Malaysia. I’m standing here at my hotel window in the pre-dawn hours, with the sun giving just enough light to see a group of long-tailed macaques far below, roaming the streets like Brooklyn street thugs.

Officials estimate there are nearly 700,000 of them in Malaysia. I’m not sure why they’re still on the official endangered list, but they are. The government, calling them urban menaces, just agreed to drop an export ban on long-tailed macaques, and are going to catch those monkeys in Malaysia cities and ship them to other countries like Korea and Japan.

For “pets,” they say. But yes, they admit, some will surely be eaten.

I’m betting 98 percent.

They didn’t say how they’re going to catch them.

I’ve played Monkey Golf before. In Africa. They’ll steal anything in your bag or cart. They’ll bare their teeth at you and they’ll bite you.

Still, I like the monkeys. I’m in favor of the monkeys. I guess you could say I’m sort of an unofficial monkey advocate.

I don’t like the idea of the monkey meat trade. I’ve never eaten a monkey, to my knowledge. I’ve eaten goat. Plenty of goat. And I’ve eaten ox, moose and reindeer.

Yes, I’ve eaten reindeer.

I think I like a reindeer over a monkey. I mean, in principle, not as an entrée.

Today, I start to play Malaysian golf courses, and I’m fairly certain I’ll have more to say about monkeys, in so far as their connection to golf.