Want to know all about Greg Norman's sex life with Chris Evert?

Sorry, that was a dirty trick. It looks like the sordid details about Greg Norman’s personal life aren’t forthcoming.

He and ex-wife Laura have officially split, but it wasn’t easy. Laura’s attorneys had threatened to subpoena practically everyone Norman has ever known – and dated – and have them disgorge it all up in a tawdry, public spectacle. That includes Chris Evert, his current squeeze.

Because of that and other issues, Norman apparently agreed to give away almost half his net worth, which is considerable, given his savvy business acumen. Some reports put it at between $150-$200 million.

But, I don’t want to leave you hanging, so I will now reveal certain things about Norman heretofore unknown to the public. I obtained these through confidential sources.

– Norman was not a choker. He said so himself in a magazine interview.

– In a related revelation, Norman is not delusional. He’s suffering from a debilitating, medical condition known as “lying.”

– Norman has never even seen a shark.

– Norman wears a wig, like Andre Agassi. Norman actually has sparse, curly black hair that he wears in a “comb-over” in private.

– Greg Norman is not from Australia. He was born in Cordele, Georgia, son of a “de-boner” at the local chicken plant.

– Norman hates shrimp on the barbie. His favorite dish is dog. He makes frequent trips to Vietnam to sate his appetite.

– Norman is actually a very bad businessman. He tends to choke at critical meetings, dropping oeuvre d’herbs on the table, and spitting out latte.

– His first nickname, well before “The Shark,” was “Cynthia.”