Feb
29
To save the image of golf, get rid of Tim Finchem and put a Democrat in charge of the PGA Tour
I was completely disgusted by the Congressional hearing involving Roger Clemens.
It wasn’t Clemens’ testimony that disgusted me, although it’s starting to look like the Rocket is a little looser with the truth than his slider.
It was the way the Republicans groveled at the feet of the man they were supposedly investigating. The Democrats wanted to get to the truth. The Republicans seemed aghast that a man of wealth and influence could be treated in such a manner. Truth be damned when wealth and influence are at stake.
This is a theme as well in golf, which I suspect is heavily infiltrated with Republicans. It starts at the top with Commissioner Tim Finchem. That’s why it has taken so long for the PGA Tour to adopt drug testing.
Millions of everyday golfers look to the PGA Tour for inspiration. In order to save the game, which is losing both golf courses and green fee-paying customers at an alarming rate, Finchem must be replaced with a Democrat.
A Democrat wouldn’t grovel at the feet of the celebrity millionaires on the Tour. He or she would restore order, and level the playing field with the obscure pros who make up the bulk of the tour.
My choices: John Edwards, Hillary Clinton (she’ll have a lot of time on her hands soon), Dennis Kucinich, Ted Kennedy, Janeane Garofalo.
The players on the lower rungs of the tour need our help, and only a Democrat has the compassion, empathy and sense of integrity and justice to provide it.
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35 comments
Tim,
I agree. In fact, let's narrow the choices down to Dennis"the menace" Kookcinich and Ted Kennedy.
Dennis could decrre that attendance should be free at all PGA events, and Fat Teddy would open up the country club bars to everyone, including the homeless.
Well drinks would top out at 75 cents, with top shelf a dollar.
The indigent, of course, would drink free.
Here's a vote for Kook and Fat Teddy!
Alex USMC 1969-73
I agree. In fact, let's narrow the choices down to Dennis"the menace" Kookcinich and Ted Kennedy.
Dennis could decrre that attendance should be free at all PGA events, and Fat Teddy would open up the country club bars to everyone, including the homeless.
Well drinks would top out at 75 cents, with top shelf a dollar.
The indigent, of course, would drink free.
Here's a vote for Kook and Fat Teddy!
Alex USMC 1969-73
02/29/08 @ 10:22
Tim,
I'm glad that you approve of that message.
John Edwards would be at a distinct disadvantage if he were to accept the commissioner's position.
As an ambulance chaser of some repute, he would be torn between his duties and his instincts if someone were to be struck in the head with a drive. How would he then be able to talk the victim into filing suit if he were the commish?
As for Hillary and Janeane, that would probably want to make unisex locker rooms and lavatories mandatory. The public isn't ready for something so revolutionary just yet.
Now the Kook is something else. In addition to his flamboyant charisma, he could offer the PGA tour a lot of other good breakthroughs. Like exemptions for extraterrestrials and free parking for unidentified flying objects.
And Fat Teddy could propose free golf carts for those spectators who are aged, infirm, overweight and/or obese or intoxicated, all conditions with which he is familiar.
He could also give instructions on how to escape from those golf carts in case one of the drivers drove off a bridge on the course and into a creek or a pond.
Alex USMC 1969-73
I'm glad that you approve of that message.
John Edwards would be at a distinct disadvantage if he were to accept the commissioner's position.
As an ambulance chaser of some repute, he would be torn between his duties and his instincts if someone were to be struck in the head with a drive. How would he then be able to talk the victim into filing suit if he were the commish?
As for Hillary and Janeane, that would probably want to make unisex locker rooms and lavatories mandatory. The public isn't ready for something so revolutionary just yet.
Now the Kook is something else. In addition to his flamboyant charisma, he could offer the PGA tour a lot of other good breakthroughs. Like exemptions for extraterrestrials and free parking for unidentified flying objects.
And Fat Teddy could propose free golf carts for those spectators who are aged, infirm, overweight and/or obese or intoxicated, all conditions with which he is familiar.
He could also give instructions on how to escape from those golf carts in case one of the drivers drove off a bridge on the course and into a creek or a pond.
Alex USMC 1969-73
02/29/08 @ 11:44
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Unisex locker rooms and lavatories!!!
Oh yuk. I vote to keep these posts clean - and for a good-looking commish - Finchem looks weasely.
Oh yuk. I vote to keep these posts clean - and for a good-looking commish - Finchem looks weasely.
02/29/08 @ 12:28
Ah, well now Alex, you should have left well enough alone. You're drifting into dementia.
Wendy, who has ever described Finchem as "good-looking?"
The latter description is more accurate. He looks like a combination of a weasel and a garden snake.
Wendy, who has ever described Finchem as "good-looking?"
The latter description is more accurate. He looks like a combination of a weasel and a garden snake.
02/29/08 @ 13:16
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
I suppose Mrs. Finchem just might, Tim, although it's not a gimme. Certainly not me. I meant I want to vote for a good-looking replacement for him, please, (I don't know Dennis wotsisname), using that as my criteria as I have no US political franchise.
02/29/08 @ 14:30
Wendy,
Surely you jest! Did you actually say that you're not familiar with Dennis Kookcinich? Unbelievable!
For your information, Dennis Kucinich(the shortened version of his name) is an erstwhile candidate for the US Presidency from the Democrat Party.
He is best known for his firm belief in unidentified flying objects and many other fantasies. He gets these enlightenments when in the company of the Hollywood left; his favorite tinseltown liberal is Shirley Maclaine.
He is a bit of a runt, about five feet five inches.
He is, however, married to one of your countywomen, a blonde who stands a head taller than the kook.
Alex USMC 1969-73
Surely you jest! Did you actually say that you're not familiar with Dennis Kookcinich? Unbelievable!
For your information, Dennis Kucinich(the shortened version of his name) is an erstwhile candidate for the US Presidency from the Democrat Party.
He is best known for his firm belief in unidentified flying objects and many other fantasies. He gets these enlightenments when in the company of the Hollywood left; his favorite tinseltown liberal is Shirley Maclaine.
He is a bit of a runt, about five feet five inches.
He is, however, married to one of your countywomen, a blonde who stands a head taller than the kook.
Alex USMC 1969-73
02/29/08 @ 14:59
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Alex, I don't even care if he believes in Peter Pan or Tinkerbell. Are you allowed to make "sizist" comments in America? Please consult friend 2under before replying. Come on, Tim, give me some options?
02/29/08 @ 16:11
Comment from: Josh Taylor [Visitor] 
Tim, did you not see Sammy Sosa before congress?
Dennis Kucinich really played the part of a grandstanding tool to perfection. He even spoke terrible Spanish to Sosa for the cameras'.
Personally, I can't even fathom what this has to do with the government at all. This is a matter for MLB or the PGA to deal with.
Dennis Kucinich really played the part of a grandstanding tool to perfection. He even spoke terrible Spanish to Sosa for the cameras'.
Personally, I can't even fathom what this has to do with the government at all. This is a matter for MLB or the PGA to deal with.
02/29/08 @ 23:37
Josh,
You're right. None of this has anything to do with the PGA. But Tim is a liberal. To liberals, EVERYTHING is politics.
Wendy,
Dennis the kook is fair game. Now if he were a person "of color" or a woman the politically correct gang would have proscribed criticism of him.
But since he is a Caucasian male, he can be raked over the coals with impunity. He doesn't espouse any particular religion. But if he were to declare as a Christian, or worse yet, a dreaded Catholic, his critics could heap even more abuse upon him .
Alex USMC 1969-73
You're right. None of this has anything to do with the PGA. But Tim is a liberal. To liberals, EVERYTHING is politics.
Wendy,
Dennis the kook is fair game. Now if he were a person "of color" or a woman the politically correct gang would have proscribed criticism of him.
But since he is a Caucasian male, he can be raked over the coals with impunity. He doesn't espouse any particular religion. But if he were to declare as a Christian, or worse yet, a dreaded Catholic, his critics could heap even more abuse upon him .
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/01/08 @ 08:25
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
I guess I'll just have to accept that you have the ONLY good-looking one tied up for some time, eh Tim?
03/01/08 @ 13:11
Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor]
Alex,
Actually, Kookcinich may be right about one thing. As Dennis Miller said, "I think he did see a UFO . . . from the inside."
And, yes, Fat Teddy has redefined the term "water hazard."
Actually, Kookcinich may be right about one thing. As Dennis Miller said, "I think he did see a UFO . . . from the inside."
And, yes, Fat Teddy has redefined the term "water hazard."
03/02/08 @ 11:19
Comment from: tim [Visitor]
Wendy, you have to understand that Alex doesn't "do" nuance.
That means anything that falls under the category of subtle, ironic, sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek completely escapes him.
I mis-read your original Finchem comment. Don't you hate when that happens?
That means anything that falls under the category of subtle, ironic, sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek completely escapes him.
I mis-read your original Finchem comment. Don't you hate when that happens?
03/03/08 @ 13:41
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Badly phrased on my part, Tim, brought on by thought of unisex locker rooms and lavatories. However, absolutely crushed that you would think a woman of my impeccable taste would find The Weasel good-looking. That'll teach me to have shallow criteria of course.
03/03/08 @ 15:01
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Tim,
Your writing is about as subtle and nuanced as a kick in the groin.
Alex USMC 1969-73
Your writing is about as subtle and nuanced as a kick in the groin.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/03/08 @ 15:01
Wendy, shallow criteria is the best criteria. You'll rarely be disappointed.
Alex, no need to be defensive. Good metaphor, by the way.
Alex, no need to be defensive. Good metaphor, by the way.
03/03/08 @ 15:15
Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor]
Alex,
By the way, you are a phenomenal satirist -- you should write professionally. You left Tim without a response; to use the vernacular of today's youth, he was "owned."
By the way, you are a phenomenal satirist -- you should write professionally. You left Tim without a response; to use the vernacular of today's youth, he was "owned."
03/03/08 @ 16:46
True, he bested me on that one, I admit.
Alex: 1
McDonald: 2,000
Alex: 1
McDonald: 2,000
03/03/08 @ 17:08
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Judge Smails,
I'm happy that you appreciate my talent.
In the past, fifteen to twenty years ago, I had several articles published in various trade and technical journals. As you probably know, years ago it was very hard to get anything published since companies at that time wanted an original manuscript submitted, not one that had been photocopied. One had to give a lot of time to submission of even a one thousand word magazine article. It just became too much of a drag on my limited time, what with the raising of five children.
Maybe I'll pursue it as an avocation after May 1.
Incidentally Judge, you don't do so bad yourself.
Alex USMC 1969-73
I'm happy that you appreciate my talent.
In the past, fifteen to twenty years ago, I had several articles published in various trade and technical journals. As you probably know, years ago it was very hard to get anything published since companies at that time wanted an original manuscript submitted, not one that had been photocopied. One had to give a lot of time to submission of even a one thousand word magazine article. It just became too much of a drag on my limited time, what with the raising of five children.
Maybe I'll pursue it as an avocation after May 1.
Incidentally Judge, you don't do so bad yourself.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/03/08 @ 18:02
Let me know when you guys are through smooching.
Maybe we can get back to the topic at hand, unless you've scared everyone else off.
Maybe we can get back to the topic at hand, unless you've scared everyone else off.
03/03/08 @ 21:29
Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor]
Tim,
2000? That must be the malarkey count. You'd better call in the reinforcements, pal, because Alex is making mincemeat out of you.
Thank you, Alex, for the compliment. I also have a question: Why do you suppose that, upon witnessing comaraderie among their opponents, liberals always make allusions to homosexuality?
2000? That must be the malarkey count. You'd better call in the reinforcements, pal, because Alex is making mincemeat out of you.
Thank you, Alex, for the compliment. I also have a question: Why do you suppose that, upon witnessing comaraderie among their opponents, liberals always make allusions to homosexuality?
03/04/08 @ 09:30
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
OK Tim, back to the topic.
You expressed your desire to have a Democrat for the Commissioner of the PGA. Your favorites are the Breck Girl, Hillary, Fat Teddy, the Kook, and the Dike. Those are quite a murderer's row of liberal crackpots. They would certainly do themselves proud as proponents of liberal outrages.
But there are at least two other well known Dems who are eminently more qualified than the McDonald Five.
First, we have Congressman Alcie Hastings of Florida. A former Federal judge, he has been elected and re-elected to the House after being impeached and removed from office for a multitude of offenses including bribery and fraud. He could bring back his retired judicial robes and mete out justice for a price.
Finally, who could be a more august figure than Robert "Sheets" Byrd? Who could inspire more awe than Ol' Sheets decked out in his Ku Klux Klan whites and pointy hat, with the ever ready hangman's noose by his side and at the ready?
If the homo interest has to be present, Barney Frank could be the court jester.
Alex USMC 1969-73
You expressed your desire to have a Democrat for the Commissioner of the PGA. Your favorites are the Breck Girl, Hillary, Fat Teddy, the Kook, and the Dike. Those are quite a murderer's row of liberal crackpots. They would certainly do themselves proud as proponents of liberal outrages.
But there are at least two other well known Dems who are eminently more qualified than the McDonald Five.
First, we have Congressman Alcie Hastings of Florida. A former Federal judge, he has been elected and re-elected to the House after being impeached and removed from office for a multitude of offenses including bribery and fraud. He could bring back his retired judicial robes and mete out justice for a price.
Finally, who could be a more august figure than Robert "Sheets" Byrd? Who could inspire more awe than Ol' Sheets decked out in his Ku Klux Klan whites and pointy hat, with the ever ready hangman's noose by his side and at the ready?
If the homo interest has to be present, Barney Frank could be the court jester.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/04/08 @ 13:29
Comment from: Judge Smails [Visitor]
Yes, Barney Frank could definitely finds ways to raise revenue through a greater exploitation of the talents of the boys in the caddy shack.
03/04/08 @ 14:07
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
"You were only meant to blow the bloody doors off".
Overkill, over the top, Alex.
Overkill, over the top, Alex.
03/05/08 @ 17:34
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Wendy,
You obviously don't have a clue as to how bizarre the liberals in the US can be.
Actually, my post understated just how whacky these libs can be.
Alex USMC 1969-73
You obviously don't have a clue as to how bizarre the liberals in the US can be.
Actually, my post understated just how whacky these libs can be.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/05/08 @ 18:00
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Whoops! Apologies to anyone who read my previous post. I wasn't swearing AT Alex but as this is a famous movie one-liner in common usage (in UK at least)to denote "too much dynamite" I totally forgot my manners. Perhaps Tim can asterisk/delete it?
03/06/08 @ 13:44
I don't see anything wrong with it. I played a course with a guy from Liverpool today, in FLorida, who used a similar phrase.
I was amused. I'm sure Alex, being a cosmopolitan sort, didn't take offense.
I was amused. I'm sure Alex, being a cosmopolitan sort, didn't take offense.
03/06/08 @ 17:47
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Don't be daft, Tim. I didn't think for one minute that either you or Alex would be offended, although I was half-expecting a rebuke from Alex on principle. I was apologising to any genuine member of the public who might have expected the propriety of asterisks.
Did you get the Liverpudlian to say "Ya'll?
Did you get the Liverpudlian to say "Ya'll?
03/07/08 @ 08:10
No, I wish I had thought of it.
He seemed to be more interested in the wacky U.S. presidential election.
I'm a Democrat. The third player in our group was a Republican.
I think the Liverpudlian -- I didn't know there was such a word -- walked off the course more confused than ever.
He seemed to be more interested in the wacky U.S. presidential election.
I'm a Democrat. The third player in our group was a Republican.
I think the Liverpudlian -- I didn't know there was such a word -- walked off the course more confused than ever.
03/07/08 @ 08:17
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Wendy,
How could I ever give a rebuke to a li'l darlin' like y'all?
I'm to much of a gentleman.
Alex USMC 1969-73
How could I ever give a rebuke to a li'l darlin' like y'all?
I'm to much of a gentleman.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/07/08 @ 08:18
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
Well, it is the most fascinating lead-up to an election that I can remember. Our three main parties are now all so middle-ground, it's only handbags at dawn from now on.
Must have been an interesting round of golf. Liverpudlian is indeed a real word.
You do occasionally rebuke me for what you deem my unseemly female behaviour, Alex. I'm biding my time re the rest of the remark as
"Revenge is a dish......." I see you favour the alternative spelling to Tim's - now why doesn't that surprise me?
Must have been an interesting round of golf. Liverpudlian is indeed a real word.
You do occasionally rebuke me for what you deem my unseemly female behaviour, Alex. I'm biding my time re the rest of the remark as
"Revenge is a dish......." I see you favour the alternative spelling to Tim's - now why doesn't that surprise me?
03/07/08 @ 08:53
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Tim,
I don't doubt that the gentleman from Liverpool finished his round of golf more confused than when he began it. Listening to the political and economic theories of most Democrats and a lot of Republicans would confuse anybody. What that Liverpudlian needs is some straight talk from some Conservatives.
Alex USMC 1969-73
I don't doubt that the gentleman from Liverpool finished his round of golf more confused than when he began it. Listening to the political and economic theories of most Democrats and a lot of Republicans would confuse anybody. What that Liverpudlian needs is some straight talk from some Conservatives.
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/07/08 @ 09:25
Comment from: Alex [Visitor]
Wendy,
Since Tim never heard of a Liverpudlian, I suspect that a Glaswegian would be equally as mysterious to him.
I wonder what he would think of Geordie's, Manc's, and Brummie's?
Alex USMC 1969-73
Since Tim never heard of a Liverpudlian, I suspect that a Glaswegian would be equally as mysterious to him.
I wonder what he would think of Geordie's, Manc's, and Brummie's?
Alex USMC 1969-73
03/07/08 @ 09:30
Comment from: Wendy (UK) [Visitor]
You're pretty good on your northerners, Alex. The north, by the way, begins at Watford, just north of London, despite what Brummies claim. Mancunian, to give the full word, is even more confusing than Mancs. Can think of v.few southern county/town nicknames. Pompey? But even then one would say "I'm from Pompey" not "I'm a Pompey". Curious, that.
03/07/08 @ 10:32
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