Men yelled helplessly at the top of their lungs, women screamed while clutching their babies, the world seemed to burst at the seams in chaos and confusion and danger.

The woman held the phone high, high over her head, gripping it with both hands.

“I’m calling the police!” she shrieked.

Third-world revolution? Riot? Armed robbery?

No, just another day at American Airlines.

I won’t bore you with the gory details. You probably have your own story if you’ve ever flown American.

Suffice it to say it involves a weather delay, an endless amount of time sitting on the tarmac like a big, fat duck, anger, hostility confusion and just where the hell is the gate guy? I wonder if they EVER found him.

But, most of all it involves American Airlines’ complete sense of arrogance and indifference toward its passengers and its monumental inefficiency.

The abandoned passengers, when they finally made it to terra firma, were sent ping-ponging to 10 different locations in the Miami airport– I counted, brother – only to have the drones working there send them someplace else.

“Why the hell should we pay for your hotel? It was a weather delay. It was God’s hand.”

“Was it God’s hand you couldn’t find a gate and that as we sat there on the runway for who-knows-how-long our connecting flights were leaving us behind in hell, otherwise known as the Miami airport?”

Stop me before I become homicidal again.

American Airlines, part of the One-World Alliance. Has anybody ever really looked into this “One-World Alliance?” I have, officer. Satan is the CEO.

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