With Muirfield Village in sight, a golf writer's paranoia runs deep

Scientists released a study that says pot can cause paranoia and psychotic episodes. Well no kidding. People spent time and money finding out what everyone who’s ever smoked pot already knows? What’s next? That someone will research whether white referees in the NBA call more fouls on black players than white? Oh, yeah. They released that study yesterday, too.

You wanna know what real paranoia is? The feeling I got yesterday when I received my invitation to play Muirfield Village Golf Club for the Memorial Tournament media day on May 8. I love the course, but it’s brutal and I’m bad.

Golf writers, on the whole, aren’t any better golfers than the general public, just like baseball writers don’t hit homeruns. But I’ve played a total of one round this year, and Muirfield Village is unbelievably tough. The times I’ve played there in the past, I had at least two collapses per round. The rough is burly, the bunkers are as deep as Barry White’s voice and the greens roll as fast as a bowling alley.

I guess, though, it’s uncool to bitch about playing one of the world’s great golf courses. OK. I take it back. I’m not paranoid. I’ll take my beating, in front of my peers, like a man.