Dear Abby, a golfer and a "protective wife"

Do you still read the newspaper? I do, and I even read Dear Abby on occasion. But I do not watch Dancing With the Stars, so I think that balances the ledger on my questionable entertainment consumption.

Today, Dear Abby had a great letter. I was actually disgusted, then thankful for my own wife after I read the letter from “Protective wife” from Santa Clara, Calif.

She wrote that her husband practices swinging a club for 15 or 20 minutes after breakfast in the morning. She then says she fears this much physical activity could damage the internal organs or at least hurt digestion.

Holy dog crap. If that’s the kind of nagging some guys have to put up with, I call myself the luckiest guy out there. My wife has never said anything about golfing, other than I’m always coming home later than I said I would because I give her an optimistic forecast for the length of a round.

Me: “But honey, there are so many different things that can go wrong. We got stuck behind a fivesome of meth freaks who couldn’t find their balls in the woods.”

Wife: “Great. Whatever. Just say it’s going to take six hours next time.”

Me: “I promise it will only be four-and-a-half.”

Anyway, the writer goes on to say that her husband plays golf “almost weekly” and that practicing golf after breakfast is the “wrong time” to do it. My bet is that her kids don’t get to go swimming for an hour after they eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich either.

Are there really people this stupid in the world?