I hear a growing number of complaints each year about spectators wearing golf shoes at golf tournaments. “You’re not playing, why are you wearing your golf shoes?”

Hey, I know I’m not playing. Good God. It’s the Memorial Tournament, in which the top 10 players (minus Phil Mickelson, who withdrew today because of a sore wrist he hurt while practicing at Oakmont for the U.S. Open) in the world are participating.

“How come you’re wearing a golf shirt?” I want to ask. “How about those dopey shorts with the big pleats in the front that do no good to hide your sagging gut? Aren’t they golf shorts?”

As a quick aside, if you aren’t obese, think about pants and shorts with a flat front. Hold on, there’s the phone. It’s for you. The year 1998 is calling and it wants its pleated pants back.

Here’s something maybe no one thought about. I don’t like tennis shoes. I’m 40 and my name isn’t Jerry Seinfeld. And most of the 20 other pairs of shoes I own aren’t designed for miles of walking on grass, steep embankments and perhaps muddy terrain. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of a pair of shoes I own that are more appropriate than golf shoes, especially given the fact that the golf crowd demands you wear golf-appropriate apparel. What do you want me to do, break out the Dr. Martens? Or flip flops?

Ask all the women who are out there wearing insensible shoes how much fun they’re having, walking four or five miles in one day. I’ll take the sneer of some a-wipe before blisters any day.

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