Attention Michelle Wie, other young golf stars: Let Mark O'Meara be your friend

The Scene: After finishing 73rd and last at the Honda Classic, Mark O’Meara is home, looking confused. While he’s pleased that he’s not this guy, he knows his game needs help. He used his one-time top-50 career money list exemption to play the 2006 PGA Tour, and he’s running out of ideas.

O’Meara looks forlornly at his dusty British Open and Masters trophies and decides something needs to be done. He goes to the phone and starts dialing.

phone rings.

O’Meara: Hey Tiger! How’s it going buddy? It’s Mark. I was thinking we could have a few beers, talk about life, hit some balls, you know, like the old times.

Tiger responds

O’Meara: Oh yeah. Elin. How is she, anyway?

Tiger responds

O’Meara: No, I don’t know how she could be more blonde, either. Good one, Tiger! Well, Ok, you guys have fun, take care.

O’Meara dials another number

O’Meara: Michelle, how are you? It’s Mark O’Meara here. Just wanted to see if you needed any guidance or anything.

Michelle Wie responds

O’Meara: Oh, absolutely. Hello Kitty is totally my favorite also. So want to get together, talk golf, maybe look at sparkly things?

Michelle Wie responds

O’Meara: Yeah, I understand. Dad’s can be such a pain, huh? I’ll talk to you later. Good luck on that history exam.

O’Meara dials another number

O’Meara: Camilo! Buenos días. ¿Usted será mi amigo?

–WKW