The Temple of Love: An SEO and golfer's dream cult

There are religions, there are scams, and then there is the Temple of Love.

Yes, the Temple of Love, a search-engine optimizer’s dream cult is here to make everything better. This is a sect that tells it like it is, asks the tough questions and panders endlessly to Google.

It’s also one of the few religions that prominently features golf.

Temple of Love: An analysis

Here are some of the selling points of the Temple of Love:

“We are trading in the breathtaking scenes of nature … for a real live Hell on Earth – Michelle Wie vaporized in the middle of her backswing on her way to victory in the Open Championship. Johnny Miller says, “Michelle’s away!’ “

Yikes! Though I had a hunch Miller could escape nuclear annihilation.

“If Dave Pelz, a rocket scientist can teach Phil Mickelson how to chip and putt at his age and win the Masters, then your God of Mount Sinai can teach you all how to get along with each other. Pebble Beach has enough obstacles without radioactive sand traps. How would you improve your lie?”

Radioactive bunkers would send a slope rating through the roof, I imagine.

“Wouldn’t you like life on Earth to continue long enough to see if Tiger Woods can break Jack Nicklaus’ record?”

I had hoped for a tad longer, but that seems fair.

“Elin Nordgren who has a twin sister Josefin. They were like the Hilton sisters Paris and Nicky living in relative obscurity until Paris Hilton shot to superstardom in the classic film ‘1 Night in Paris.’ “

No comment.

“Saving life on Earth would give the tour wives another charitable endeavor to do while their husbands try to hit a little white ball into a hole in the ground with a stick. Elin, ‘Angel, guess what I did today?’”

Keeping tour wives active is a solid enough reason to save the Earth, I suppose. How about we skip to the end?

“Golfers from all around the world play nicely together by the same rules. They don’t worry about who wrote them. They play by them because they work. Yours aren’t working too well. Look around. It is now time for all of us to switch to God’s 10 rules because they work. Everyone welcome to the Temple of Love.”

There you have it folks. Remember, golfers are the key to a peaceful, happy society because we play by the rules. Well, golfers are part of the key. Jennifer Love Hewitt is somehow involved in this, as well, as are Elmo and the the Gilmore Girls, and a cast of thousands.

Nonetheless, think what you will: It’s still a much more plausible scam/cult/religion than Scientology.

–WKW