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Golf resolutions: Wie to grow up, Daly to settle down

By Tim McDonald, Contributor

For golfers, New Year's resolutions are nothing new, or even annual. We go through something similar almost every time we hit No. 10: "OK, this back nine is gonna be a whole new ballgame."

Michelle Wie
McDonald to Michelle Wie: You grow up, girl!
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Michelle WieTiger WoodsJohn Daly
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I myself make new resolutions three or four times a round, pledging to shed the bad habits and start good new ones. But since New Year's is a quasi-official construct, at this time of year we like to announce them publicly.

And as I'm a know-it-all by nature, I offer herein the New Year's resolutions golf's newsmakers should make, along with a few of my own.

First off, I resolve to be more sympathetic and empathetic to those who meekly worship at the throne of Her Highness, Michelle Wie.

I resolve to try to better understand what is missing from their lives that causes them to blindly ignore her shortcomings and excuses while burrowing through the stats in vain attempts to present her as the best female golfer of all time and the Second Coming.

I resolve to keep this resolution longer than 24 hours.

Wie should resolve to grow up and realize the world does not revolve solely around her needs and wants. She should resolve to try to understand how her actions affect others who play the same game she does.

Tiger Woods should resolve ... Tiger Woods should resolve ... well, Tiger Woods doesn't need to resolve anything. He is the Resolver.

The Golf Channel should resolve to ditch Donald Trump and any and all reality shows.

This is our new Voice of Golf: Starting next year the Golf Channel will handle the Thursday and Friday rounds of PGA Tour events, plus the first three events in their entirety and all post-Tour playoffs. It should show a little dignity.

There are rumors of an "out clause" if they screw up. I hope they don't.

Tim Finchem should resolve to learn more about life on the street, or at least on the practice range and in the darker areas of the locker room. Golf is a power game now, and to say there is no need for drug-testing is worse than sticking your head in the sand.

Even the LPGA is starting a drug-testing program, in 2008. You telling me the ladies are more apt to inject steroids into their soft flesh than the testosterone-driven big fellas? Even Tiger Woods is in favor of it.

John Daly should resolve to spend more time on the range than in casinos. In his book, Big John claims to have lost around $55 million gambling.

He should also resolve to stay single - he's seeking a divorce from wife No. 4 - until he meets a nice, stable Hooters waitress. Those casino losses will start to seem paltry if he keeps this up.

Golf fans should resolve themselves to hearing more opinion. For some reason, a lot of golfers hate NBC's Johnny Miller for voicing strong thoughts. Well, with Nick Faldo set to yak wall-to-wall on CBS and the Golf Channel, we may have two Millers now, one with an English accent.

Camilo Villegas should resolve to get married. I resolve to not be jealous when I see all those screaming female fans.

LPGA fans should resolve to embrace older golfers like Cristie Kerr rather than putting all their hopes in the young stars like Wie, Paula Creamer and Morgan Pressel. Why does everything have to be new, new, new and young, young, young?

We Americans should resolve to quit coming up with excuses or even explanations for the mounting Ryder Cup losses.

The U.S. should resolve to put its money where its mouth is regarding juniors. There was no one younger than 30 on the American Ryder Cup team.

LPGA Commissioner Carolyn Bivens should resolve to go back to sales and marketing. She's going to ruin the LPGA at a time when it should be soaring.

I resolve to do my part to make the Fed Ex Cup golf's Super Bowl. I'll paint my face purple and drink a shot of tequila for every birdie.

Tim McDonaldTim McDonald, Contributor

Veteran golf writer Tim McDonald keeps one eye on the PGA Tour and another watching golf vacation hotspots and letting travelers in on the best place to vacation.


 
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